Where's Rondell White?

While trying to figure out what happened to Rondell White I came across this August 6th, (2007) article. I should warn you there is a lot to take in.
Let's get it started with some Lew Ford:
"It's disappointing," [Lew Ford] said. "I really want to be part of the team up here."
I guess he learned a valuable lesson, no matter how much you want to be a part of the team it's tough to justify your worth when you're only hitting .232 (unless you're Nick Punto). This quote also doesn't seem to hold much truth anymore following his decision to flee America. Unfortunately, for Lew they seem to also agree that he isn't very good. Here are my five favorite quotes from this forum talking about Lew's arrival in Japan"
"I don't like this move. Ford has an abysmal OBP (on-base percentage) and hasn't displayed any power."
"Hope he's better than our last ルー (Lou)."
"I live in Minnesota, and am a MN Twins Fan. Lew Ford is a worthless pile, at least as a MLB player. Maybe he'll do better overseas, but I highly doubt it. Now if your in need of a good Dungeons and Dragons player, then he's your guy."
"Ford seems to be endearing himself to the Tigers faithful already. He didn't get any hits (almost no Tigers did), but drew a walk and had a couple of nice running catches. The fans were very supportive of him."
"[Japanese Fans] are very used to big mean sluggers who will swing at your head if you just throw high and inside on them. I think Lew Ford is a nice change of pace."

Okay, back to the original article, talk turns to Rondell White, my original quest, and we get this little quote from Gardenhire:
"We're still trying to give him plenty of time here. He's feeling really good, moving around a lot better. He seems to think by the time we get to Kansas City [on Tuesday], he might be well enough to go out and play in the outfield, and that would be wonderful."
Not too much substance here, but I can't help but picture Rondell White as an old man in a retirement home when I hear this quote. It's as if one of the medical staff is commenting on whether or not he can make a bowel movement. Read the quote again, but this time let me just fix it up just a bit:
"We're still trying to give him plenty of time here. He's feeling really good, moving around a lot better. He seems to think by the time we get to Kansas City [on Tuesday], he might be well enough to go...and that would be wonderful."
You really don't have to stretch your imagination very far to make it work.

Now we get into the heavy hitting part of the article. As always it involves Punto:
"Nick Punto is in another 0-for-16 rut that has dropped his average to .209."
The amazing part is that isn't as far as it would drop. He'd get down to the .199 mark before too long. What's even more amazing is Gardenhire's love fest with Nicky:
"I don't have that luxury because we need him."
I'm sure institutions of higher learning in America sometimes feel the same way about managers in the AL central (Jim Leland gets a pass here, mostly looking at: Wedge, Ozzie, and Gardenhire). "They aren't smart and they don't bring anything to the table, but we just can't afford to not have them be a part of our faculty or at least give them some honorary degrees." In short, I don't think any MLB team needs a sub-.200 hitter.
"We'd like to see him get a little more confidence in his own ability to hit."
That's like saying you'd like your dog take more pride in his typing skills and grammatical accuracy. Dogs can't type, Nick Punto can't hit. That should be one of the basic corollaries for any GM running a MLB team, or at least an AL team.
"Just swing. Get up there and let it fly. Instead of trying to be so patient, swing the bat. And hopefully we'll get there. It's hard. It's not easy when you're struggling. But he's a big part of this team."
Basically, Gardenhire's admitting that Nick Punto has free reign to do whatever he wants on the baseball field. "Put your helmet backwards, try running around the base paths backwards, and for God's sake wear your pants inside out."

If this article weren't great enough already they leave us with this nugget:
"FSN North baseball analyst Ron Coomer was arrested and booked in Hennepin County Jail early Saturday morning on suspicion of drunken driving."
Coomer later confessed that he had only fumbled his hot dog and it slipped under brake peddle making it impossible to stop. Investigators checked Coomer's glove box and found sixteen steamed hot dogs confirming the confession

Ron Gardenhire <3 Nick Punto

If you are a Twins fan, you are already aware of Ron Gardenhire's nonsexual man-crush on all weak-hitting middle infielders, particularly Nick Punto. Why Gardy feels so strongly about Punto et al. I am not completely sure, but it may have something to do with his own career line of .232/.277/.296 as a utility infielder over 5 years with the New York Mets. And if you are a Twins fan with a vested interest in seeing the team score more than 600 runs this year, you are probably wondering what Gardenhire's well publicized infatuation with Nick Punto means for the 2008 starting lineup. Unfortunately, all signs point to Punto getting a lot of plate appearances (or asI like to call them, "automatic outs"), and that is good for no one except perhaps for Gardy's 50-year-old hard-on. Let's review the offseason developments that pertain directly to Nick Punto's role:

1) Twins deal Jason Bartlett to Devil Rays as part of the deal for Delmon Young

Great news for Punto (and his manager's erection) as now Nick can provide gold-glove caliber fielding every day at a defensively crucial position while batting 9th and hopefully raising his average to somewhere around .250. The Twins have a hole at 3B (later filled by the Mike Lamb signing) but they had one before as well. And they also have a probably every day 2B who can actually hit in Brendan Harris. Nice job Bill Smith!

2) Twins sign Adam Everett to one-year contract

This is a bad sign. Adam Everett is a fantastic defensive SS, better than Nick Punto. He is also an atrocious hitter, worse than Nick Punto. Last year he posted an OPS of .599 in the NL Central! That's disgusting! I am chocking down my own vomit just thinking about it! But he plays the most crucial defensive position except Catcher and he does it very well. Without Punto on the roster, I have no problem with this move, but as it stands we have to find somewhere else in the batting order for Ron Gardenhire's scrappy piranha boyfriend. Moreover, this move only makes sense if they want to play Punto at 2B! We all know how much Gardenhire loves defense, and given how bad Brendan Harris is at it (and how bad Mike Lamb is at third) w could be seeing a lot of Nick this summer at 2B or (god forbid) the hot corner.