?

"Kubel proved he can hit the second half [of 2007]," Gardenhire said. "I've decided that with him what you see is what you're going to get. He's going to be that speed. And when he turns it up a notch, we don't notice.

"It's not that much of a notch."

That is from this gem by Patrick Reusse, inexplicably titled "Young has look of a force for Twins". I have been racking my brains for answers as to what Gardy could possibly mean, and I have come up with the following possible interpretations (translations?) of this quote:

1) Kubel is a good hitter. He is not very fast. When he runs a little faster, I can't tell the difference. He can't really run that much faster.

2) Kubel hit really well in the 2nd half of the year, which is when I saw him hitting well. His bat is going to travel at that speed (the speed it traveled in the second half of 2007). When his bat goes faster, it looks the same to me, perhaps because it is not actually going that much faster.

3) Kubel hit well in the second half last season, and since I saw that I expect him to do the same this season. However, I have also seen him struggle in Spring Training. What you see is what you get. Also, he is going to drive his car about as fast as he did last year. When he turns the radio or heat or AC up a notch I don't notice, perhaps because I am getting a bit senile and this also has the side effect of making me not notice when my starters aren't actually playing that well.

4) With Jason, I have decided that what I see him do is actually what he does, unlike many other players who do completely different things than what I see them do. Take Nick Punto, for instance. I see him hitting .310 with power and driving in a lot of runs, when in fact he actually sucks at at hitting. Maybe I should look at the box scores and if I did I could see that Punto is 0 for 4 for the third straight night and is in a 3 for 47 slump, but since what I see is an 8 game hitting streak, I keep putting his name in the lineup, sometimes near the top of the order.

5) When Jason Kubel stands in front of a mirror, he can see his reflection. His image travels at the speed of light. I cannot tell the difference between light speed and light speed plus epsilon.

6) Kubel hits well, and when he hits even better, we (the coaching staff) don't notice.

7) I'm old. My knees ache and Jason Kubel is a Russian submarine. Sometimes he speeds up and sometimes he slows down. Do you think he will take me to the dentist? I have a banana in my arm.

Whatever he is thinking, I am glad Patrick Reusse decided to close his article with such words of wisdom (The article, once again, is titled "Young has look of a force for Twins" and it refers to Delmon Young, not Jason Young Kubel or anything like that).