Santana did more than just exchange hugs and handshakes with everyone, from the players to the training staff to the coaches and also his longtime buddy, clubhouse attendant Wayne "Big Fella" Hattaway. He even walked away carrying a new piece of hardwood, or perhaps better said -- hard wood.
The emphasis is mine, but that's still amazing. It wasn't enough that Santana hugged all his teammates and "Big Fella" and then walked away with a new piece of hardwood. Kelly Theiser of MLB.com, motivated by the fear that an average reader would not be able to grasp the innuendo and desperately wanting to make a reference to Santana's erect penis, chose to add the words "or perhaps better said -- hard wood".
In related news, I was fired today from my job as a beat writer for the WNBA when I referred specifically to Allison Bales' comparatively large breasts.
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