More Managerial Wisdom

"Twins manager Ron Gardenhire said recently that he would not use a platoon for the club's designated hitter spot. Instead, he would rotate left-handed hitter Jason Kubel and right-handed hitter Craig Monroe based on matchups and other factors."

That quote is from Kelly Theiser ( you may remember her from such references to Johan Santana's phallus as "hardwood - or should I say, hard wood"). Now, I am no scientist, but I'm pretty sure that a platoon in baseball is generally a situation in which two hitters, one right-handed and the other left-handed, share starts depending on who is pitching. So his quote tells me one of two things. Either Kelly Theiser does not know what a platoon is, and she should lose her job as a baseball writer, or Ron Gardenhire does not know what a platoon is, and he should lose his job as Manager. I would be happy with either, or both.

Anyhow, untrue to his word, last night Ron Gardenhire started the elderly, bad at baseball, right-handed Craig Monroe against the right-handed pitcher. Gardenhire justified this decision in a couple of ways.

1) "It was a gut thing."

That's a quote from Gardy. This of course means that Craig Monroe went 0-3 with a strikeout, stranding 3 runners. To be fair, he did hit a ball well and Torii Hunter made a pretty nice catch. Gardenhire's gut might consider that to be a success.

2) "Another reason for the move was that Gardenhire likes the idea of having an extra left-handed bat with power on the bench in Kubel."

That's a quote from Kelly. I find this to be really amazing. Here is a short list of things that are better than having a left-handed bat with power on the bench: having a left-handed bat with power in the starting lineup against a right-handed starting pitcher.

Thankfully, the players and assistant coaches were able to talk Gardy out of going with his gut and starting Mike Redmond at catcher in order to have an extra left-handed bat on the bench in Joe Mauer.

Managing styles

Near the end of June 2007, the Boston Red Sox called up CF Jacoby Ellsbury from their AAA affiliate. He shuffled back and forth between AAA and MLB before making the playoff roster and eventually helping the team win a world series. In 127 regular season plate appearances, he hit .353/.394/.509. In the playoffs, he managed .360/.429/.520 in 28 plate appearances. He is young talented and full of potential, and has shown that he can deliver on the biggest stage, but has struggled a little in spring training and is still only 24 years old.

Here's Red Sox Manager Terry Francona on his decision to bat Jacoby Ellsbury low in the order:

"You put a young player a little bit at risk when you put him right at the top of the lineup early on," Boston manager Terry Francona said. "I know what he hit last year. It was impressive, but you're still trying to develop guys."

In the middle of May 2007, the New York Mets called up CF Carlos Gomez to the major league roster. He more or less stuck, but suffered a serious injury to his wrist in early July that kept him out of the majors for two months. He stuck despite hitting .232/.288/.304. He is young, talented and full of potential but has yet to perform on the biggest stage, and had his first and only season in the majors interrupted by an injury that has been known to decrease a player's ability to hit for power. Baseball Prospectus says that due to the Mets' carelessness in bringing him up too early and his injury, 2007 was a complete waste in terms of his development. This spring, his hitting coach expressed concern that he was swinging so hard that he could easily hurt his back (his manager encouraged him to swing harder). He started out abysmally this in spring training before getting hot late (though he still has a lower OBP than either of the guys he beat out for the starting job in CF). He is only 22 years old.

Here's Twins Manager Ron Gardenhire on his decision to bat Carlos Gomez leadoff:

"Gomez real good... (grunting)... me like Carlos Gomez... (beating chest)... he run hard like Nick Punto. Also play bad like Nick Punto. If him not hit leadoff, Nick Punto. What on base percentage?

Gardenhire being Gardenhire

a few notes:
Gardenhire talking about Livan Hernandez:
"He's going to take his time and he's going to go in and out and he's going to spin it."
Now I know Gardenhire's describing Livan, but for some reason I feel like this description applies to all pitchers. There aren't many pitchers who don't try and put spin on it and who just throw it down the middle of the plate. Tim Wakefield. That's really it. Every other pitcher at the very least tries to 'spin it'.
"That's just the way it's going to be. We knew that going in. That's what we're getting right now. That's the way he pitches. So we're kind of adjusting to him."
Those sneaky Cubans. Always spinning the ball. Us Americans are just going to have to learn how to deal with it I guess. Or maybe Gardenhire thought Livan threw a knuckleball and is just realizing he doesn't. Gardenhire was probably on the bench for Hernandez's last start, squinting and rubbing his face a good five minutes before he saddled up to coach Rick Anderson and said, "Hot shit! When did Levine begin putting that old fashioned spin on the ball?"

Even better, later in the article Gardenhire had this to say about bullpen hopeful Brian Bass:
"Bass has been fine. Bass is throwing the ball really good. He's not afraid. He challenges guys, moves the ball in and out. I like Bass. He's doing pretty good, and that bodes well for a guy out of options. He's throwing pretty doggone good."
Aside from the elementary school grammar that is reminiscent of a white man's impression of an Indian, "Bass Good, boy has no fear, I like Bass, he my friend," there is some more talk about moving the ball in and out which I thought was something only Livan Hernandez could do. Then again maybe Gardenhire doesn't know anything about pitchers and is just reading from a set list of standard answers he has written down on an index card he keeps in his back pocket.

Gardenhire said, "We want to do the right things with this young man."
I laughed at this. He was talking about Liriano, but as we've learned Ron Gardenhire isn't really that good at doing the right thing when it comes to running a baseball team so whether or not he wants to do the right thing or not it probably won't happen.

Santana Visits Teammates, Homoeroticism Ensues

Santana did more than just exchange hugs and handshakes with everyone, from the players to the training staff to the coaches and also his longtime buddy, clubhouse attendant Wayne "Big Fella" Hattaway. He even walked away carrying a new piece of hardwood, or perhaps better said -- hard wood.

The emphasis is mine, but that's still amazing. It wasn't enough that Santana hugged all his teammates and "Big Fella" and then walked away with a new piece of hardwood. Kelly Theiser of MLB.com, motivated by the fear that an average reader would not be able to grasp the innuendo and desperately wanting to make a reference to Santana's erect penis, chose to add the words "or perhaps better said -- hard wood".

In related news, I was fired today from my job as a beat writer for the WNBA when I referred specifically to Allison Bales' comparatively large breasts.

Where's Rondell White?

While trying to figure out what happened to Rondell White I came across this August 6th, (2007) article. I should warn you there is a lot to take in.
Let's get it started with some Lew Ford:
"It's disappointing," [Lew Ford] said. "I really want to be part of the team up here."
I guess he learned a valuable lesson, no matter how much you want to be a part of the team it's tough to justify your worth when you're only hitting .232 (unless you're Nick Punto). This quote also doesn't seem to hold much truth anymore following his decision to flee America. Unfortunately, for Lew they seem to also agree that he isn't very good. Here are my five favorite quotes from this forum talking about Lew's arrival in Japan"
"I don't like this move. Ford has an abysmal OBP (on-base percentage) and hasn't displayed any power."
"Hope he's better than our last ルー (Lou)."
"I live in Minnesota, and am a MN Twins Fan. Lew Ford is a worthless pile, at least as a MLB player. Maybe he'll do better overseas, but I highly doubt it. Now if your in need of a good Dungeons and Dragons player, then he's your guy."
"Ford seems to be endearing himself to the Tigers faithful already. He didn't get any hits (almost no Tigers did), but drew a walk and had a couple of nice running catches. The fans were very supportive of him."
"[Japanese Fans] are very used to big mean sluggers who will swing at your head if you just throw high and inside on them. I think Lew Ford is a nice change of pace."

Okay, back to the original article, talk turns to Rondell White, my original quest, and we get this little quote from Gardenhire:
"We're still trying to give him plenty of time here. He's feeling really good, moving around a lot better. He seems to think by the time we get to Kansas City [on Tuesday], he might be well enough to go out and play in the outfield, and that would be wonderful."
Not too much substance here, but I can't help but picture Rondell White as an old man in a retirement home when I hear this quote. It's as if one of the medical staff is commenting on whether or not he can make a bowel movement. Read the quote again, but this time let me just fix it up just a bit:
"We're still trying to give him plenty of time here. He's feeling really good, moving around a lot better. He seems to think by the time we get to Kansas City [on Tuesday], he might be well enough to go...and that would be wonderful."
You really don't have to stretch your imagination very far to make it work.

Now we get into the heavy hitting part of the article. As always it involves Punto:
"Nick Punto is in another 0-for-16 rut that has dropped his average to .209."
The amazing part is that isn't as far as it would drop. He'd get down to the .199 mark before too long. What's even more amazing is Gardenhire's love fest with Nicky:
"I don't have that luxury because we need him."
I'm sure institutions of higher learning in America sometimes feel the same way about managers in the AL central (Jim Leland gets a pass here, mostly looking at: Wedge, Ozzie, and Gardenhire). "They aren't smart and they don't bring anything to the table, but we just can't afford to not have them be a part of our faculty or at least give them some honorary degrees." In short, I don't think any MLB team needs a sub-.200 hitter.
"We'd like to see him get a little more confidence in his own ability to hit."
That's like saying you'd like your dog take more pride in his typing skills and grammatical accuracy. Dogs can't type, Nick Punto can't hit. That should be one of the basic corollaries for any GM running a MLB team, or at least an AL team.
"Just swing. Get up there and let it fly. Instead of trying to be so patient, swing the bat. And hopefully we'll get there. It's hard. It's not easy when you're struggling. But he's a big part of this team."
Basically, Gardenhire's admitting that Nick Punto has free reign to do whatever he wants on the baseball field. "Put your helmet backwards, try running around the base paths backwards, and for God's sake wear your pants inside out."

If this article weren't great enough already they leave us with this nugget:
"FSN North baseball analyst Ron Coomer was arrested and booked in Hennepin County Jail early Saturday morning on suspicion of drunken driving."
Coomer later confessed that he had only fumbled his hot dog and it slipped under brake peddle making it impossible to stop. Investigators checked Coomer's glove box and found sixteen steamed hot dogs confirming the confession

?

"Kubel proved he can hit the second half [of 2007]," Gardenhire said. "I've decided that with him what you see is what you're going to get. He's going to be that speed. And when he turns it up a notch, we don't notice.

"It's not that much of a notch."

That is from this gem by Patrick Reusse, inexplicably titled "Young has look of a force for Twins". I have been racking my brains for answers as to what Gardy could possibly mean, and I have come up with the following possible interpretations (translations?) of this quote:

1) Kubel is a good hitter. He is not very fast. When he runs a little faster, I can't tell the difference. He can't really run that much faster.

2) Kubel hit really well in the 2nd half of the year, which is when I saw him hitting well. His bat is going to travel at that speed (the speed it traveled in the second half of 2007). When his bat goes faster, it looks the same to me, perhaps because it is not actually going that much faster.

3) Kubel hit well in the second half last season, and since I saw that I expect him to do the same this season. However, I have also seen him struggle in Spring Training. What you see is what you get. Also, he is going to drive his car about as fast as he did last year. When he turns the radio or heat or AC up a notch I don't notice, perhaps because I am getting a bit senile and this also has the side effect of making me not notice when my starters aren't actually playing that well.

4) With Jason, I have decided that what I see him do is actually what he does, unlike many other players who do completely different things than what I see them do. Take Nick Punto, for instance. I see him hitting .310 with power and driving in a lot of runs, when in fact he actually sucks at at hitting. Maybe I should look at the box scores and if I did I could see that Punto is 0 for 4 for the third straight night and is in a 3 for 47 slump, but since what I see is an 8 game hitting streak, I keep putting his name in the lineup, sometimes near the top of the order.

5) When Jason Kubel stands in front of a mirror, he can see his reflection. His image travels at the speed of light. I cannot tell the difference between light speed and light speed plus epsilon.

6) Kubel hits well, and when he hits even better, we (the coaching staff) don't notice.

7) I'm old. My knees ache and Jason Kubel is a Russian submarine. Sometimes he speeds up and sometimes he slows down. Do you think he will take me to the dentist? I have a banana in my arm.

Whatever he is thinking, I am glad Patrick Reusse decided to close his article with such words of wisdom (The article, once again, is titled "Young has look of a force for Twins" and it refers to Delmon Young, not Jason Young Kubel or anything like that).

Gardenhire's been watching too many cartoons again

There haven't been a lot of great Gardenhire quotes of late unless you want to look at clear cases of Gardenhire confusing a reporter's question of whether or not so-and-so can help the team as whether or not he's friends with the said player, in this case Nick Blackburn. I can imagine a reporter asking Gardenhire, "So what do you think of Nick?"
"We really like him a lot and we liked him a lot last year."
I guess their friendship has been building for a few years.

Anyway, if you can't immediately find something quotable from the jolly old skipper you don't have to dig very far. Apparently, a few weeks ago some reporter was curious who Gardenhire thought had the best rubber arm he had ever seen. A decent question, maybe they had been talking about Livan Hernandez's durability or maybe he was hoping to get the skip to talk about an old friend (Everyday Eddie) who is trying to battle his way back (shouldn't be too tough in the NL central). I can certainly bet that the reporter was looking for the answer to be someone who had played major league baseball or at least had played professional baseball sometime in their lives. What the reported did not plan was for Gardenhire to tap into his fond memories of growing up watching Saturday morning cartoons. Or maybe Gardenhire owns the 7-disc box set of that green rubbered amalgam and his friendly horse Pokey and he still watches them each morning when he wakes up and eats a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. What ever the case, according to Ron Gardenhire, "Gumby" is pitcher with the greatest rubber arm he's ever seen. And if it was up to him I bet his five man rotation would look something like this:
1. Gumby
2. Stretch Armstrong
3. Reed Richards
4. Li'l Stretch dog toy
5. A slinky
[note: the slinky would probably need a pitch count just so it doesn't get extended too far which would then result in it not returning to normal form]

Ron Gardenhire <3 Free Swingers

According to the Star Tribune and the Pioneer Press Ron Gardenhire really likes it when Delmon Young and Carlos Gomez swing baseball bats at baseballs. From the Strib story:

In his next two plate appearances, Gomez came up with runners on base and took some tenacious swings that left Gardenhire chuckling. "I really think he swung so hard that the bat broke before the ball got there," Gardenhire said. "... He's a little bit of a free spirit."

Gardenhire met with Gomez on Saturday and encouraged him to keep being aggressive. "He took it to heart," Gardenhire said. "He looks at me and says, 'Boy, I like this guy.'

I would like to think this is just an innocent quote about how much Gardy likes the way the young guy swings, but the exact same story appeared in both papers. And the next line of the story is...

"He was hacking; nothing wrong with that. I like the way he plays. He's pretty fast, and he can be pretty exciting."

NOTHING WRONG WITH HACKING! THAT'S WHY IT IS CALLED BY SUCH A DEROGATORY TERM! My god! Is anyone else hearing this? I am less amazed by the fact that Gardenhire thinks the way he does than by the fact that he says these things out loud, to people whose job is (supposedly) to think critically about sports. This was a historic offseason for the Minnesota Twins. They acquired a raw talent who has the potential to be one of the best in the game (Delmon Young) who also swung at more pitches than any other player in major league baseball in 2007. They acquired a center fielder with a ceiling perhaps as high as any, with big shoes to fill (Tori's) and big expectations give who he was dealt for (Johan Santana), who is currently causing injury worries among the coaching staff because of the ferocity with which he attacks every pitch. What does Gardy have to say?

"All the on-base percentage [stats] and all those things -- he's dangerous when he lets that thing fly and gets fastballs."

That's not even a sentence. But it is an incredibly stupid thing to say. Good night.

Boof working hard at dinner time

Boof Bonser made some headlines last week when he showed up to training camp 30 pounds lighter. Many couldn't take their eyes off him, either out of a newfound attraction in the young boy (he's only 26) or in envy. Manager Ron Gardenhire falls into the latter. There was almost hatred in his voice as he spoke to the media. It was if he came to the realization that with Boof in trim shape there is no one left on the team that he could beat in a foot race besides gout infested Matt LeCroy and it really isn't fair to challenge him to a race when doctors are still weighing the options of whether or not amputation is the best option. Yes, there was sorrow in his voice as he spoke about Bonser and his off season Jenny Craig miracle.
"Bonser worked hard, but he worked hard on the field and off the field," Gardenhire said.
I'm not really sure what he means by working hard off the field. Is he saying that on top of Bonser losing weight that he also picked up a part-time job to pay the electric bill?
"He worked hard at dinner time."
Oh, I get it. I was confused for a second. Why didn't you tell me he was doing the seated Arnold presses and Hindu pushups in between each bite?
As an athlete, you have to know how to take care of yourself. I'm not being mean. I'm just saying that some guys really know how to take care of themselves off the field, and it's a learning process...
And then there are some that didn't learn very well and aren't very good about taking care of themselves off the field:
Oh, that was a low blow, even for me. What about this one?
Come on, the dude's a hall of famer and besides he's lost some weight recently...
Okay, Okay, I think I got one we can all live with:
So anyway, back to Gardenhire talking about Boof:
He's taken it by the horns, and I think you see the product out there."
Hmmm...I guess that speaks for itself?
Here's a thought, if Gardenhire can't find anyone else for his foot races I think this guy is still kicking around the ball park these days selling hot dogs and chasing foul balls.

It'll be a battle for the right to be called 'RonRon' but someone may already have that nickname and you probably don't want to mess with him.